Survival Guide

I had the opportunity to attend a baby shower this morning with some of my favorite coworkers and friends and it inspired this blog.  I want to preface this entry by saying, it was so much fun to celebrate the new arrival of the Baker family.  Now that I'm reflecting, I realize that I have developed certain strategies to make baby showers still fun for me, now.  I figured others might benefit from my tips, so, here you go.   

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BABY SHOWER SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE 

"BABY-MAKING CHALLENGED"

1.  Shopping for the Gift:  Instead of forcing yourself to go to Baby's 'R' Us or the baby aisle at Target, get a gift certificate.  I've been told that the gift certificates I have given to my favorite professional photographer are a fave.  www.dinsmorephotography.com

Note:  For those who haven't experienced infertility, let me explain why these trips to the baby department can be difficult.  First, you are surrounded with items that you long to buy for your own child, but, can't.  It can feel like a monumental reminder that you may never be able to peruse these aisles for your own baby.  Another reason I try to avoid these sections is because, more than once, I've run into someone I know while picking out a baby gift.  Inevitably, they think I'm shopping for myself.  You can imagine the interplay that unfolds.  It is a sure way to induce a migraine and I will avoid that at all cost.

2.  Dealing with the Emotions:  Surround yourself with a friend(s) who knows what you are going through.  I have been amazed at the compassion of my friends during this journey.  These friends make sure that I'm OK in any and all situations.  It is nice seeing the knowing glance or the little whisper, "you ok?"   Even when the day isn't about me at all, they seem to know just how to remind me that they recognize my situation that day, too.  (Thanks, Tasha)

3.  Live the Golden Rule:  Remember, most likely, there will be a day when friends are throwing a baby shower for you.  Clearly, we don't know how or when that may happen, but....it will....and you will want others to celebrate with you.

4.  Give Yourself a Break:  Eat, drink and be merry....because you can.

5.  "Oohing and Ahhing":  Don't torture yourself by sitting in the circle while guests "ooh" and "ahh" over the cutie-pie gifts.  Those sweet little baby booties and tiny, adorable outfits, or, worse yet, the millions of stories that ensue from all of the other mom's in the circle might just get the best of you...if not, you're stronger than I am.  Your friends do not expect you to endure and, really, it just isn't necessary.

Note:  Sometimes, I take this time to clean up the kitchen or help out organizing in another room for awhile.  Not only does it alleviate my participation in that circle, but, it gets the house cleaned up! 

6.  Remember the Reason You are There:  Babies are miracles (yes, even those who are conceived the good 'ol fashioned way) :)  - so, clearly, a celebration is in order.  It is important to help our pregnant friends feel special because, pregnancy is an amazing blessing that we want them to feel comfortable sharing with us.

7.  Be Realistic:  If it is a bad day, don't go.  C'mon, your friends will understand and you can make it up by sending a thoughtful gift and card in the mail.  We all know that there are times when we would be more of a distraction than a fun participant...don't put yourself or your friends through it.   If they hold it against you, they aren't your friends in the first place.

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For those blessed, expectant mothers who are faced with the dilemma of whether or not to invite your "baby-making challenged" friend for fear of upsetting her, know that leaving her out will likely upset her more.  I read something in one of my books advising this:
"include a note with the invitation recognizing her situation, letting her know that you understand and will still love her whether she attends or not."

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A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.  ~Douglas Pagels