Beautiful Words of Wisdom

I am amazed by the compassion of (most) women who have struggled with infertility.  I received this email in my inbox this week from a long lost friend from high school with whom I haven't spoken to in years.  She literally brought me to tears with this supportive, funny, raw and encouraging note.  Words can't express how humbled I am and how grateful I am for the beautiful people who take time out of their busy lives to offer this kind of genuine support.  Thank you, Stephanie.  Really....to me, an email like this shows your true, beautiful character and just how your journey, as painful as it was, is still helping others like me.  I feel blessed that you shared this with me.  God Bless You and your beautiful little miracles.  ;)  God is good.

Stephanie, hubby and two little miracle girls.

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your blog is just beautiful, Bethany. 
i admire you so much for having the courage and passion and eloquence to put it out there.  out there for others to read, for others to grow from, for others to learn from, and for you to decompress from. i LOVE all of your quotes.  its like each one was specifically written for your post.  i wish i had had your blog to read while we were going through our journey to parenthood.  it would have been oh so helpful.  and what an incredible gift it will be for your miracle baby :)

i did not start blogging until just this past fall, much into the raising of our miracle.  i only wish that i had had the courage to do what you've done, to help trudge through the maddening journey of fertility.  how helpful and lovely for your family and friends to better understand what you and your husband are going through.  i kept all of those thoughts and feelings bottled up, festering within, and then exploded on people!  sometimes close friends and family too!  yikes!  my sister-in-law (not knowing our struggles) asked me innocently when we were going to start our family, and i responded with, "How much do you weigh?"  isn't that awful!  but i wanted her to know that her question was just as personal to me, as asking someone about their weight!  for the love!  i was bitter.  and i'm sure that bitterness did not help me achieve the ideal state of 'relaxation' everyone seemed to be talking about! 

you guys seem like you are really doing well.  like you are taking this crazy thing, one step at a time.  and are finding happy things to spread around it too!  the vacation to Cabo looked amazing!!!  snuggling with your furry guy.  ahhh.   coffee!  YES!  i quit drinking coffee right as i went off the pill.  stupid girl.  like i thought i was going to get pregnant right away or something!  i think that i was drinking the most coffee ever, when we did finally get pregnant.  that and wine :)  we had finally realized (nearly 4 years in) that we had been doing WAY too much waiting,  and not enough time living.  living was much better, and it sounds like you guys are doing just that.  taking some time to live.  yeah! 

  (Side note from Beth:  This next paragraph brought me to my knees....with Mother's Day on the horizon, I start to get my guard up and ready for that emotional holiday.  This came at the perfect time.  Thanks, again, Steph.)

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i know you don't have the stretch marks or morning sickness complaints, but you have motherhood scars too, girl!  the injection site wounds, the ability to let any doctor probe down there, not to mention the deep scars on your heart.  you are a mother already, Bethany!  you are nuturing your miracle baby already - with your spirit, with the way you so carefully take care of your body, with your passionate blog.  and so very soon, that sweet special tiny baby will be in your arms, and not just in your heart :). 

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our journey to parenthood was one of give and take.  i am married to a chiropractor, talk about a guy who wants to do things naturally, ALL the time!  so, we'd try something natural, then something medical at my demanding, then back to something natural, etc.  it was really really good for both of us.  it humbled Kyle to no end, as he could not 'fix' us like he had with other patients!  and it helped me learn patience, of which i have none!  naturally we did: vitamins & supplements, other chiroporactors, special baths for Kyle, accupuncture, yoga, and a very specific gluten free diet (we were doing that when we did get pregnant).  medically we did: 5 IUIs with drugs, an exploratory surgery that found TONS of endometreosis to remove (thank God, i talked Kyle into that one), and then 3 more druggy IUIs.  the 8th and final IUI was our last one.  we had already filled out the necessary paperwork and done the labs to begin IVF in the Twin Cities.  we planned to do that 1-2 times, and then adopt internationally.   thankfully, God had other plans.  whew.
 
yep, two beautiful little girls.  Hadley, the miracle baby, is almost 3.5.  and Piper, the oops we are pregnant again can you FREAKIN' believe it, will be 2 this summer.  God is good.

oh, i read a ton of books, like i'm sure you have too.  the two that i found the most helpful in healing my heart and soul (and NOT telling me how and what i was doing wrong!) were:
"Laughin' fertility" by Lisa Safran - its hilarious, and only funny to those who know what its like.  i felt like i was reading the rule book to my exclusive club, and i loved it :).  and i also really enjoyed the faith based book, "Hannah's Hope" by Jennifery Saake.  i found that one at our Christian book store, and it was a really nice breath of fresh air.  i felt God's presence and purpose while reading it, if only for a moment it was nice. 

i am not a country music fan, but a friend of mine gave me a CD with Rascal Flatts' "Bless the Broken Road" song on it.  i'm sure its written with a woman in mind, but in my heart that summer, i was singing it to our hopeful baby.  check it out sometime :).

(Side Note from Beth:  I just happen to be singing Bless the Broken Road in a wedding next weekend.  Petty touching.)

 
i should stop rambling.  its funny how quickly i can feel those feelings again, just thinking about you and your husband.  anger, sadness, and hope all wrapped up in one heart.

take care of yourself, girl.  i will be praying for endurance.  superhuman endurance. 

hugs, Stephanie

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In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.  ~Albert Schweitzer