Negative

Nope.

I just got off the phone with my doctor. I am officially not pregnant this month. I am doing amazingly well with this news. No tears or anything! Wow! ;) I think God has blessed me with some much-needed perspective this month.

Maybe it does get easier. Maybe I'm changing. Maybe it finally hit home that there are worse things than a negative pregnancy test. Maybe....just maybe....I've surrendered.

Whatever the reason, I feel free. The best part about this feeling is that I don't feel free because I've finally gotten what I've been praying for. Quite the opposite! I feel free because I got another nasty negative pregnancy test, yet I'm doing well with this news. Sure, I'm disappointed, but I know it will be OK in the end...its just not the end, yet.

I believe with every fiber of my being that this difficulty will be resolved soon. I have no idea how or when, but, I believe with all my heart that God is in control. The mystery of how it will end remains, but....doesn't the beauty of the miracle lie in its mystery???

Now, that being said, I can still cling to some of my
"negative test-day traditions", right?

Join me for a Bloody Mary? ;)

***

Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.

~Jacob A. Riis