Patrick's Perspective

I love this blog entry....
You see, this blog has been written entirely from my perspective - which, mind you, is only half of the perspective on our journey with infertility. Patrick is invested 100% in this process, too.


I am incredibly lucky. My husband has been an amazing partner throughout our journey. I'm so glad he has put in his "two cents." When I read his words I couldn't be more proud to share my life and love with anyone else. Its certainly worth a read. Thanks, honey.

Patrick's Perspective:

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A View from the Other Side
Over the last year you have heard from Beth regarding our journey of starting a family. (That is the way I like to look at it....not just having a child of our own, not just making a baby or getting pregnant...but starting a family.) We don’t know how we might get there but we know for sure that we will have a family some day.


I know that most of the readers of Beth’s blog are probably women but I know that all of those women also have husbands who are their partners through this journey as well, and those are who I wanted to write to.

To the MEN on a journey:

We all go through our battles, and our challenges throughout our lives. It’s truly amazing how you are able to see the strength of those who are with you during your tough times. I have been (and I am everyday), so proud of the strength of my wife that she has had through this journey we started almost 2 years ago.

Sometimes I think guys have it easy. Guys go out and talk about sports, business, and for me, (of course!), politics. Women get together and talk about pregnancy, parenting and, babies, all of the time. This must be tough conversation for our wives who have yet to experience those things. We guys get a “shield” from this journey most days until the conversation comes up with our wives.

I never really faced the reality of our journey until we attended a conference in February of this year. As we entered the conference an incredible force hit me that morning. That force I felt was our reality that I had been shielded from until then. As we sat in the lunch room of the conference I broke down, plain and simple. I truly lost it. For the first time I “felt” what we were going through. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get through that day. We talked about me going to the mall or somewhere where I could get away for a few hours. That is amazing isn’t it?

The husband in the relationship who is supposed to be the rock was “scared” of facing the truth and the reality of infertility for just one day. Beth faces that reality every day in every new pregnancy she hears about, each baby shower she is invited to, each visit to the clinic, and every TV show where someone is having a baby. It truly amazes me how much work our wives go through just to get pregnant and then to think that they will endure 9 months of pregnancy and then child birth all to attain this dream of ours.

Now, guys, each and every one of you should step back and think about that for a moment. That requires an amount of strength and passion that is an incredible thing to process. For guys, it’s hard enough sometimes to imagine challenges that something at Home Depot or Best Buy can’t fix.

That conference turned out to be one of the greatest days we had through our journey that really brought us closer. It was a day where I met other couples and other men who are in the same situation and who are moving forward sharing the same common dream and are all sharing the same feelings of hope as they grow closer together. I still think about the guys I talked to that day and how they are doing and hope they are doing well.

From the moment Beth and I were married and had to outrun a hurricane in Cancun on our honeymoon I knew that God was going to have some challenges for us along the way. But I know He has given us the strength to fight through to make our dreams become reality or He wouldn’t be putting us through it. I have become a better person through this and Beth and I have become a stronger couple. Like most of you, we have had good days and our bad days. But I wouldn’t ask to do it differently if I had the chance.

I often tell Beth that I am thankful it didn’t happen the first month we "tried." I know everything happens for a reason and very few things are “coincidences”. I know that the moment that our family gets that new addition whether it’s a pregnancy or an adoption, that child will enter a home of love and happiness that he/she will be so blessed to receive. I think Kramer can attest to that. :)

I wanted to post this message to all of those husbands out there that are “struggling” through this journey like I am. Know that you are not alone. Know that you have the best partner with you in the fight...your wife. It’s hard to balance life sometimes. It’s hard to go to work and give 100%. It’s hard to pay the bills all on time. It’s hard to keep the house clean, the laundry done, and the yard mowed and, (for me), the yard clean. :)

I've learned that it’s ok to let my guard down and open up and be “vulnerable “for awhile. Feel comfort in knowing that there are others out here that have a new definition of the word “collect” and a new found hatred of brown paper bags.

I wish all of you the best and hope you’re all keeping your head up and a smile on your face through this fight.

Patrick

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"Don't give up, don't ever give up." Jim Valvano