Random Thoughts For My Week

I haven't updated our journey in awhile simply because we are enjoying our break. I can honestly tell you that after dealing with this issue for 2 years, letting go is a relief. In the process of resting, I still have many thoughts and ponder many things on a daily basis.

Here is my list of random things I've been pondering lately:

1. Patience truly IS a virtue.

I feel like my tolerance for things that are out-of-my control has grown exponentially. I think that this journey has made me a MUCH more patient person. I am so glad! I think that this will serve me well in many areas of my life for years to come.

2. Infertility has made my marriage stronger than ever.

This random thought has become increasingly prevalent as I read about (and watch) Jon and Kate (from Jon and Kate plus 8) go through their separation and divorce. I'm devastated by their break-up because I think about what they must have gone through together to conceive their children. I know that they had to endure similar treatments to ours, similar trials and similar tears. I know what teamwork this all entails from a husband and wife. It makes me sad that years later, that can fall apart. It makes me wonder how quickly you can lose all that you've built during times like these.

On a side note: I hold to my statement many blogs ago that Patrick is a "Rockstar." This makes most of this journey much easier on me! He has shown me incredible resiliency and dedication these past few months. This journey is hard on our men, too. I am so proud of his committment to doing "whatever it takes" to build a family. He has made his family his top priority and the results are amazing. He is truly my superhero these days! ;)

3. Struggling to get pregnant does not make you immune to other tragedies.

I recently had a friend who has struggled for years to conceive announce her pregnancy only to share of her miscarriage a few weeks later. The prelimary joy and the ultimate horror of this still haunt me. I think those of us going through infertility treatments think that God will spare us from that kind of torture. He doesn't. He gives and takes away. Once we conceive we are at the same risk of miscarriage as every other woman.

4. I'm happy with my life.

I'm truly happy. I'm so proud of how far I've come on this journey...I know that sounds silly, and I really can't explain it....but, as I reread some of my early blog posts, (the posts where I am clearly processing some pain) I am, in an instant, back to the place I was while typing it. My emotions retreat to those dark places so quickly. I believe that there are things that happen to us in our lifetimes that change who we are forever. I believe that intense heartbreak changes you. Your heart will heal, but, it won't ever heal back to the way it was before the break. I believe I am a changed person because of our journey with infertility....and honestly, though the journey has been rough, I am proud of the person I've become.

5. I have a peace that passes all (even my own!) understanding.

I know that God has eased my anxiety. He has given me a solid, unshakable peace that everything will be just fine. We may not have children. We will be fine. We may adopt. We will be fine. We may conceive through invitro. We will be fine. We may conceive by a gracious miracle of God. We will be fine.

There are some random thoughts for my day today. We are still making decisions for this fall. We really aren't sure the direction our earthly doctor and our heavenly "doctor" want us to take right now. The beauty of it all is....we'll be fine no matter what. :)

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Genius is nothing but a great aptitude for patience. ~George Louis de Buffon