Waiting

Blah.
I'm having a bit of a tough day today. I hate having to be patient. I hate being on the pill. I hate how long it is taking us to start a family. Let's be honest....Not every day is easy on this journey. Today is one of those days. I doubt my 11 hour meeting and the unending rain today are helping my mood - but, I'm just feeling pretty frustrated today.

Today, I simply feel tired of the waiting game:

I wait while I take the pill (21 days to be exact - yes, I count).
I wait for Day 1.
I wait for an ultrasound to then wait to see if I can move forward this month.
I wait for 2 weeks while I take medicine.
I wait for another ultrasound to determine if we can move forward with our procedure.
I wait 2 weeks to find out if our dream was achieved this month.
I wait for the call from the nurse.
I wait for the ache to pass.
Then I wait some more for the process to begin again.
I wait and wait and wait and wait...

I never knew how long a month could possibly be - it is amazing. Lately, I've been amazed at how accepting I've become of this whole process. However, today, I'm feeling very impatient. I guess, its worth repeating this amazing poem that brings me so much comfort (I posted this back in November). I need this today - maybe it will encourage you, too.

"Desperately, helplessly, longingly I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate

And the Master so gently said,"Child you must wait."

"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.

"My future and all to which I can relate

Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT?

I'm needing a 'Yes," a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'No' to which I can resign."

And Lord, You promised that if we believe

We need but to ask and we shall receive.

And, Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:

'I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!'

"Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, "you must wait.

"So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut

And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed, then, to kneel, And His eyes wept with mine,

And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

"All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want--But, you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You'd not know the power I give to the faint;

"You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me;

When darkness and silence were all you could see.

"You'd never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;

You'd know that I give and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My Heart.

"The glow of My comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight,

The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked

Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that, 'My grace is sufficient for thee.

'Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still,

'Wait.'"

-author unknown